Choosing Choice: An Excerpt From "Get There Now" By Susanne Conrad by Susanne Conrad

From Chapter 6: Choosing Choice

Make no mistake: I find Sunji quite attractive, yet in an intellectual way, not as a boyfriend or lover. His enthusiasm and perspective on life are unmatched by anyone I have met (granted, I am only nineteen). Talking with him on this spring day, the idea of going to India is very appealing.

We leave the cafe together, books and partially written paper returned to my backpack, to walk the La Jolla Cove, its Dr. Seuss trees of all shapes silhouetted against the beauty of the sea.

As we begin to walk back up the hill, he touches me on my right butt cheek, and I recoil with an internal violence that I do not verbalize. Is this normal? Why did he do that? I do not like that. I want nothing to do with him. I override my instincts and keep walking, politely listening.

My body tells me “no,” but my obligation and sense of being a good person muffle that message of wisdom into obscurity. How many ways would my life be different had I, in that very moment, been able to bring to language and say what I felt in a way that could be heard? I missed my point of choice by remaining silent.

Take Two: Susanne Conrad, April 1980, La Jolla Cove Park.

“Hey, Sunji, I don’t want to be touched like that. I do enjoy talking with you and learning from you. I would enjoy being your friend if you believe you can work with those boundaries. I do not want to be your girlfriend, or lover.”

Yet I do not say any of this, and later in the relationship, when I do, Sunji does not believe my “no.” He will chuckle and quote Gertrude from Hamlet: “The lady doth protest too much, methinks.”

I learn how to smother my own “no,” and in doing so, muddle the waters of choice. The Line of Choice goes missing. I cannot cross over what I cannot see. I am lost, yet still so bright, so happy, so alive, so willing.

From Chapter 8: Release Your Inherited Legacy

INHERITED LEGACIES TO RELEASE

• Artists don’t make money.

• Work and life have to be hard.

• To succeed I have to suffer.

• Food will soothe me.

• I can’t have/do it all.

• I need to stay quiet to keep the peace.

• I always need more.

• I’ve got to beat the system.

CHOICE-BASED LEGACIES TO CARRY FORWARD

• I am able to create community through activity.

• I can live a life of service while taking care of myself.

• Fulfillment in all areas of my life is possible.

• I work with intuitive intelligence to get things done.

• I have faith in the current and future generations.

• Work is fun, fulfilling, and abundant.

• I am inquisitive and enjoy looking into the meaning of life.

• Giving without expectation is a way of being.

• Love of people is a renewable resource.

I have found that simply recognizing or discerning inherited legacies is the antidote to judgment, allowing me to release those legacies that no longer serve me. “Know the truth and the truth will set you free” was the operating adage of Dorothy Wood Espiau and her teachings. I now can sense truth in my body, and so can you if you begin to listen. Each generation has an opportunity and responsibility to honor and care for their lineage by bringing the best forward, forgoing what no longer serves and forgiving any harm that it has done, and integrating what is new.

In most cases, the key to releasing inherited legacies is forgiveness.

Forgiveness does not equal condoning.

Forgiveness is the releasing of carrying the burden, the resentment, the aggravation of not listening or learning earlier. It is a monumental choice of moving forward from a chronic state of unforgiveness, which affords the unforgiver the empty, shabby right to be right about how they or another person are wrong. Unforgiveness is the main character in the drama of duality, and it lives to produce chaos and energy that mimics our positive lifeforce yet has no fulfillment.

As I got older, I released my inherited legacy of fear and all of the associated struggle that reared its head that day. I began to both understand and forgive my mother for her retelling of my traumatic birth. I realize now that she was always attempting to free herself.

Forgiveness is the willingness of the calcified ego to step off the stage of right and wrong, and into a world of unified wholeness. Besides, forgiving can be fun. Some days, I wake in a groggy indistinct state of unforgiveness and remind myself, “Oh, right, Suzy ... remember? You already forgave yourself for that. Stop being a bully to yourself,” or “Yeah, girl, remember? You already forgave that business colleague ... no point wrecking your sweet heart over it. Go to bed, good woman, and rest.”

I am pretty sure future generations are thanking me now for tidying up my legacy DNA.

From Chapter 16: Generate Possibility from Self-Love

“Today we are going to take a deep look at listening, what we listen to, and how we can develop awareness of our listening, make a new choice, and produce new results in our lives.”

I go on to tell them what I’ve also shared with hundreds of Lightyear clients: be aware of what and who you’re listening to, because not every voice is honest and true. These usually come from inherited legacies or negative events in your past, and it’s important to identify which are truly yours and which come from somewhere or someone else.

Here are some examples of voices you may be listening to that don’t have your best interest at heart.

The voice says: You’re so shy.

You say: I won’t go to that party because I’m shy.

The reality: You actually like meeting new people.

The voice says: You’re too much for them. They won’t understand you!

You say: I’ll just keep my mouth shut because my ideas are too out there.

The reality: Your thoughts are innovative, creative, and important to share.

Or the voice says: You don’t know what you’re doing.

You say: I’ll let someone else take the lead on a project because I don’t know what I’m doing.

The reality: You are competent and capable of leading a project successfully.