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Want to Stop Arguing With Your Teen? Try This 1-2-3 Approach! by Kelli Porcaro

Teens Parenting
August 12, 2016
Kelli Porcaro
55 Tips 94 Followers
Want to Stop Arguing With Your Teen? Try This 1-2-3 Approach!

You know the drill. Teen walks in door. You start asking questions. They answer. You react. You argue. The next time, try this approach:

  • STOP. Catch yourself before you react and stop. Pay attention to your breathing. Count to 10.
  • LISTEN. Don’t say anything. What is being said? What is not being said? Pay attention to how your teen might be feeling in the moment. What is going on? What is important right now? Why is this so important right now?
  • CONNECT. What are they experiencing right now? How can you connect to that?

Teen stress is growing at a ridiculous rate. And teens can choose some pretty extreme things to manage stress. Listening and connecting with your teen is one of the best anecdotes you can offer to combat the ill effects of stress. 

Donna John
Great advice, Kelli Schulte! Especially No. 1. That's the tough one. They know how to push your buttons!
Like Reply 9 years ago
Chef Gigi
This is SO important. I sometimes reflect and think - raising teens was like toddlers on steroids ! You have to be SO tender where you step and x's 10! Phew! #ParentSurvivor Thank you Kelli Schulte
Like Reply 9 years ago
Kelli Porcaro
Yes Donna John There is so much brain science around catching yourself before you go into an autopilot reaction. Counting to 10 allows you to let all the peptides and hormones of the "pushed button" run through your body and dissipate so you can actually CHOOSE how you want to respond. It's not easy and takes a lot of self control!!! I still struggle with this!! :)
Like Reply 9 years ago
Kelli Porcaro
@chefgigi so true!! Our words and responses are so important. And even when kids dont seem to be listening, they pick up every word. We have to be so careful with what we are modeling!
Like Reply 9 years ago
Elisa Schmitz
Wow, how did you know I needed this, Kelli Schulte? Great info for desperate parents of teens (like me)! And you're so right, Donna John and @chefgigi - I often feel like my teens are like toddlers - who can drive, LOL!
Like Reply 9 years ago
Kelli Porcaro
Ugh I get it @elisa. This stuff is not easy!
Like Reply 9 years ago

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