#30Seconds In-Depth: Co-parenting Through the Holidays With Traci Whitney of Two Happy Homes by Renee

The holidays are here! It’s the most wonderful time of the year, but it can also be a time of stress and tension. For co-parents, the holiday season can be especially challenging. Coordinating schedules, visits and even gifts between two households – all while managing time with family and friends – can test the patience of any co-parent. Traci Whitney, founder of Two Happy Homes, shared tips on how to make the holidays fun and joyful, all while successfully working with your co-parent and extended family. After all, this time of year is all about the kids!

Q: Should co-parents follow a custody schedule that they create for the holidays, or should they be flexible and plan year to year?

Planning ahead is essential for co-parents, and having a holiday schedule predetermined is the best way to make sure that you don't run into any major planning snags during this busy time of year.It's OK for co-parents to be flexible, but also respectful to each other's schedules and traditions. Even consider extended family traditions and be accommodating when you can.

Be generous with time during the holidays. Usually there are lots of fun things going on in both houses, and it’s great for the kids to be able to enjoy time with both parents. This is the season for giving, and your co-parent will appreciate the flexibility. Usually parents split time 50/50 with the kids for the holidays, sometimes alternating years for Thanksgiving and Christmas or Christmas Eve. This is a great way to make sure that parents get equal time with the kids.

Everyone has different ideas of family traditions during the holidays, that's for sure! It's an important time for compromise! #30Seconds

— Two Happy Homes (@TwoHappyHomes) November 29, 2018

Q: What if the kids want to spend the holidays with only one parent? Should we force them to spend time with both parents during the holidays?

The short answer is yes. Especially when children are young, it is common for them to gravitate to one parent or another after a divorce. This doesn’t mean that the other parent should be alienated during the holidays.It can be difficult for both parents when the kids would rather stay at one house. However, parents need to keep children out of scheduling decisions, not just during the holidays, but any time of year. Into their teens kids may be allowed to have more input, but even then they should not be kept from seeing a co-parent during the holidays.

A2: This such a toughie. I remember going through this when I was younger (my parents are divorced). The guilt was horrible...but it was also not fun being uncomfortable and miserable. #30Seconds

— Renee (@HerrenRenee) November 29, 2018

Q: Should co-parents coordinate gift-giving during the holidays?

I like to coordinate large ticket items with my co-parent, and we make sure the kids know that they are from both of us. It’s a great way to give a larger gift that each of us may not want to give individually. It’s a great idea to split kids Christmas lists between parents, that way you can avoid duplicate gifts! Coordinating gifts for the kids also breaks down that sometimes long list that the kids hand over into smaller, more manageable-sized shopping lists.

I will say I always did. He did not. The kids noticed and that was a sad discussion about why I did. #30Seconds

— Mindy Sharp (@MsMin) November 29, 2018

Q: Is it a good idea for co-parents to celebrate the holidays together?

When co-parents are comfortable enough to spend holidays together it creates a wonderful family dynamic for the kids! After my divorce my ex and I often did things together with the kids. It makes for a smoother transition, and if you are able to spend some time together as a family during the holidays then it makes them that much more special for the little ones. It may not be something that works forever, or for every holiday, but if co-parents can carve out something special to do together with the kids during the holidays, it shows the children that you will always be a family unit.

We sometimes did small things like go blueberry picking together. It was so kid-focused that it took some of the pressure off of something where we would have to interact more #30Seconds

— Two Happy Homes (@TwoHappyHomes) November 29, 2018

Q: My co-parent is in a new relationship and wants them to be present during the holidays. I don't feel comfortable with this, what can I do?

It can be hard to accept a new partner in a co-parenting relationship, but it is best to be respectful of your co-parent’s choice and to trust that they have the best interests of the children at heart. Co-parents will inevitably move on and find new partners. Unless there is a serious reason to object to them spending time with the kids, this is something that is better to just accept. Even though you might not like the new partner that your ex has found, stop and take a good look at why you feel this way. Chances are this is more about your own feelings than the well-being of the children.

So very true! Any time of the year it is hard on the kids, but during the holidays coparents should try to keep things light and cheery as best they can #30Seconds

— Two Happy Homes (@TwoHappyHomes) November 29, 2018

If you can embrace the new person it shows your kids love can grow again. #30Seconds

— Mindy Sharp (@MsMin) November 29, 2018

Q: School vacation is around the corner and my ex wants to take the kids out of town for the week. Our schedule says that we split the week, should I let the kids go?

It’s common for co-parents to split the week of holiday vacation. But it’s nice to be flexible when one parent is trying to schedule extended vacations, since there are only so many weeks kids have free from school. Think about trading some time with another school vacation, so that you can still have equal time, but also accommodate you co-parent’s request for extra holiday vacation time. However, if you have special family plans of your own to consider, then ask your co-parent if they can be flexible with their vacation schedule.

I will say it gets easier as your kids become older! Teens don’t want to spend every minute with either parent, holiday or not! #30Seconds

— Mindy Sharp (@MsMin) November 29, 2018

Q: How can people learn more about you and your services?

Thanks for asking! Parents can head to TwoHappyHomes.com to take a look at the features we have to help co-parents communicate more effectively. We also have a Co-Parenting Tips section, where parents can find great advice about divorce, parenting, and all of wonderful craziness that goes with it! And be sure to check out my tips on 30Seconds!

@TwoHappyHomes online tools and resources are a must have for co-parents! #30Seconds

— Mindy Hudon (@MindyHudon) November 29, 2018

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