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In Honor of Valentine's Day, How to Show Love to Those Who Need It Most With Dr. Christi Hibbert by Renee

February 11, 2019

In Honor of Valentine's Day, How to Show Love to Those Who Need It Most With Dr. Christi Hibbert

February is the month for love! We were so excited to welcome 30Seconds contributor Dr. Christina Hibbert as our next #30Seconds Twitter chat guest! Dr. Christina Hibbert is a clinical psychologist specializing in maternal mental health, grief/loss, parenting, self-esteem/self-worth and personal growth. Dr. Christi is also a bestselling author, blogger, speaker and married mom of six! Whether you have a "Valentine" or not, let's shift the focus from the romantic vision of buying gifts to growing our hearts and showing love to those who need it most.

Q: Why a “NEW” way to do Valentine’s Day?

I know Valentine’s Day is usually associated w romantic love, relationships and gifts, BUT many years ago I started doing things a NEW way. Valentine’s Day is about love, right? That doesn’t just mean romance and gifts. What about family love? Friendship? Service? Self-love?To me, a day that represents love should be a reminder of not only what we receive, but even more so about who we ARE when it comes to love. I’m always looking for new ways to grow, and Valentine’s Day is one of the best days to grow in love.

Totally agree with this. Valentine's Day is not just romantic, it's LOVE of everyone. #30Seconds
— Elisa All Schmitz (@elisatalk) February 14, 2019

Q: I love it! So what are some of the things you do/suggest for us to do to “grow in love” Valentine’s Day?

Look for those who need extra love on Valentine’s Day. Instead of focusing on relationships, we can focus on the many who feel alone because they don’t have a Valentine. Years ago, I started sending Valentine’s Day cards to my grandmothers, both widows. They’re 95 and 102 years old now! And it still say it means so much. It’s the only gift they receive.

Look for those who have lost love and share your love with them this Valentine’s Day. A simple card, note, text saying how much you appreciate them or you’re thinking of them can make a huge difference.

Read my article, “Loss, Love & a New Way to Do Valentine’s Day” for more.

Or what about giving your kids a little extra love? I love to write my kids a note about what I appreciate or see in them and give it with a small gift. A win-win, since you’re modeling how to grow in love, too! Read “50 Ways to Love Your Loved Ones” for some fun ideas!

You could do a family service project on Valentine’s Day instead of going out to a fancy dinner with your sweetheart. My kids and I are going to visit with a family in need tomorrow night. It’s so rewarding!

I gave my daughter a journal and my husband a care package of healthy (expensive) snacks! #ValentinesDay #30seconds @elisatalk @DrCHibbert https://t.co/kYu7E5Aqon
— Mei (@MarcieMom) February 14, 2019

Q: Awesome! So, what about things we can do for/with OURSELVES to grow this Valentine’s Day?

We can choose to focus on developing and expanding our own hearts to BE more loving, too. One way to do this is to take note of our strengths and weaknesses when it comes to loving and letting love in. Then, choose one strength to DO something with and one weakness to IMPROVE.

For example, if you’re great at listening, make an effort to listen to someone on Valentine’s Day. If you’re not great at being patient with your kids, set one small goal to improve in that way.

“Love is a verb,” they say. It can be a DOING verb, yes. But it’s also a BEING verb. So much of loving is in who we ARE and not always what we DO. As we seek to improve our qualities of love – patience, positive emotions, kindness, gentleness, without envy or pride – we BECOME more full of love. And what a Valentine’s Day gift for us and all around us!

A3 Sounds like a great time to do some goal-setting & wish-making! #30seconds
— 💗 💕Toni B 💕💗 (@rychepet) February 14, 2019

#30Seconds A3 Oh I never thought about doing something for myself on #ValentinesDay What a great idea!
— lorri langmaid (@lorri1956) February 14, 2019

Q: What about those of us who might struggle with RECEIVING love? Letting love in?

Receiving and letting love in is an essential component of loving and being loved, and most of us struggle w this in some way at some point. I once had a professor who told me I was “difficult to love” (he was a psychologist)! I was so mad at him! But I realized later, he was right. I blocked love so I wouldn’t get hurt. As we identify the ways we block love in our lives, we can choose to make positive change – like asking for help, accepting a compliment or letting someone serve us. Don’t rob others of their opportunity to serve and love you. It not only benefits you; it helps them feel greater love, too.

Read “10 Ways to Let Love In” for more ideas how to do this!
Read “How to Get Your Needs Met: 4 Tips on Asking & Receiving."
One more way to be more love-filled? Break up with stress!

A4 Isn't part of that just being AWARE of people trying to love us? Sometimes we get so busy/focused that we may miss out on people trying to show us love.... #30seconds
— 💗 💕Toni B 💕💗 (@rychepet) February 14, 2019

Q: Finally, what about loving ourselves? Isn’t that a crucial part of “growing in love?”

Absolutely! It’s essential to learn to love ourselves. We NEED self-love if we want to be able to love others completely, too. Why is it so difficult to love ourselves? For one, we believe the lies we learn over the years and end up blocking the love we could feel for ourselves. Self-love involves four components:

Self-compassion (thinking kindly about ourselves).
Self-kindness (doing kind things).
Self-care.
Letting love in!

If we actively seek to build not only self-love but a true sense of self-worth, we find our relationships, outlook, emotions and life transformed! Building self-worth is a huge topic, and I wish we had time to go into it, but this is a great place to start.

Happy to be here! 😘 This is such a unique way to celebrate Valentine's day! #30seconds
— Jennifer S (@SeattleEine) February 14, 2019

I started this when I was in college.....I ask myself "Will this matter in a year? 5? 10?" If the answer is no, then I try not to think so hard about it. #30seconds
— 💗 💕Toni B 💕💗 (@rychepet) February 14, 2019

A5 Make a TOP TEN list.....what do you love about yourself? And then post it somewhere so you can see it every day. Great positive re-inforcement #30seconds
— 💗 💕Toni B 💕💗 (@rychepet) February 14, 2019

Q: So true! Is there anything else you’d like to add as we wrap up?

Just this: Remember, Valentine’s Day is an opportunity to assess our abilities to give and receive love, and do a little bit better. Use the 5 percent rule: Ask, “What would it look like to be 5 percent better at loving or being loved?” Then, do one thing to move in that direction. And if you want more sustained coaching and help, I invite you to join my brand NEW membership program, GROW Monthly! An awesome way to GROW in all areas of life!