Coronalingus: Here Today, Where Tomorrow? Online Dating During the Coronavirus Pandemic by Heather Dugan

As the coronavirus pandemic finish line wavers like a heat mirage on the distant horizon, singles have turned to dating apps and websites in increasing numbers. And why not? In normal times, it’s often the best route for relationship seekers. Now, when communicating interest requires fairly exaggerated and possibly confusing eyebrow wriggles over a masked face, it’s often the only way. Many of us singles are plodding through this pandemic like camels in a desert, searching for an oasis of human comfort. Forget the palm trees and pools of water. We need hugs.

Connection comes in many forms and dating apps can pave the way. Meaningful conversations. Physical and emotional intimacy. Eyes finding “home” from across a room. Our need to connect is real, but it can also be a real liability. For many, the extended isolation of 2020 has ratcheted need into neediness, a precarious perch from which one tends to grab for quick fixes, the space-fillers of life that still the echoes of an empty night.

For some coronalingus has appeared as that oasis of human comfort. You knew it first as sexting, but pandemic isolation created the fertile ground for this blend of banter and lusty foreplay to grow into an “everything but the kitchen sink” kind of event. And no guarantees on that sink. It’s a little wilder, a little less discriminating and creates liabilities that linger. When physical distance removes the immediate possibility of a good night kiss, boredom, the lack of real human contact and a couple glasses of wine may muffle inhibitions about skipping past the prelims entirely.

Should you? Shouldn’t you? Consider the following:

Within a committed relationship, you get to make up rules you can live with. Together. Maybe a little lusty language or some discreet photos stoke the engines. Or not. Your love relationship is your own private playground. It’s a safe place. And when you’re comfortable with your choices, confidence will always be the sexiest thing you can wear to bed.

But what about a dating app connection? For many singles, coronalingus – amped up sex talk with or without descriptive pics and live video ­­– functions more as a tool of enticement or mirage substitute for an oasis that seems miles away at the moment. Coronalingus is often a tippy toe reach to connect and create a relationship from afar. Yes, affirmation, sexual pleasure – these are good things. But in this context?

Yes, he or she may be a fine human being. They may delete or abstain from taking screen shots as promised. They may really intend to get to know your heart and mind, your quirks and the nuances of you in all your very human glory.

Or not.

It’s a bit like leaving keys in your parked car, granting indiscriminate access to something of great value. Maybe it will stay on your driveway. But someone, anyone, could easily take it somewhere else, out of sight and out of your control forever. You trust him or her? Great. But be smart. Don’t let your very natural need for connection disconnect you from future best options for yourself. Be your sensational self, not an unwitting internet sensation.

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